| July 19, 2006 |
| The Guy's Rules |
"My incredibly intuitive sense of the female mind tells me you're troubled."--Jack Sparrow
{Editor's note: I do not support all of these statements. I will deny any of them when confronted especially by Heather. This is just something my boss sent out.}
The Guys' Rules
(At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down)
Finally , the guys' side of the story. We always hear " the rules" From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. (Though America was not where he intended to go, it's just where he landed.)
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
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posted by Dare @ 7:04 AM  |
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| 3 Comments: |
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About the toilet seat...putting it down is protection for you and your spouse/significant other. If she falls in the potty water, she will chew your head off!!!!
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AMEN TO ALL THAT!
The toilet...?
Do women always just walk backwards to the toilet?
(men walk UP to it, that way we can assess where the lid is and take action if necessary)
I quess that's why women go to the bathroom in pairs.
One acts as a spotter to the other walking backwards to the toilet ..."good..good...keep going...wait...the lids up! (runs to put lid down) there...now you can sit."
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Okay...imagine this...You wake up at 2 a.m. and nature is calling. You have to go, but to turn on the light would wake up both you and your spouse...so you go in find the toilet in the dark and take a seat...Suddenly your scream wakes not only your spouse, but the kids as well...Now do you want that wet butt anywhere near your bed?
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Name: Dare
Home: Mabelvale, Arkansas, United States
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About the toilet seat...putting it down is protection for you and your spouse/significant other. If she falls in the potty water, she will chew your head off!!!!